Fisheye Lens
Hello all,
Welcome back to our beautiful, chaotic, and messy shores. I hope you are feeling happy, healthy, alive, and everything beautiful this week. I’ve truly missed letting my thoughts, words, and emotions take over this cave hidden within our anarchic beach. Although it has only been a few weeks since we connected in our last journal, it feels like it’s been forever… maybe it’s because I am back in school and honestly couldn’t be more fascinated by the material I'm learning, or because I’m connecting with people who are blooming into full grown tree’s (which I am taking notes from as I feel I’ve barely begun my sprout from a seed), or it could be because I’m beginning to see life though a different size of a fisheye lens… What I mean by this is, I feel I have always seen the world, or my world at least, in it’s full panoramic appearance… I find this to be ironic because the point of a fish eyed lens is to make the picture feel disoriented… However, after switching to a bigger lens and seeing some aspects up-close, and for what they are, my view has never felt more clear.
Picking up a little bit from our last journal, we talked about a few different ways that trauma moves into our bodies unexpectedly and resides… Since writing our last journal, I have had the realization that my trauma, and a few other people’s obvious trauma around me, stems from a pattern of emotional neglect or unresolved conflicts that have been repeatedly passed down through generations. Within one of my psychology classes last week, I read a section on how if past generations experienced trauma or a significant stressful event without addressing it, unresolved issues can manifest in various ways across an entire family, such as creating behaviors that can be inherited genetically. I have personally been doing a lot of research on the connection between genetics, personality, and trauma…mostly because I have to write a research paper on this connection for school, but also because I feel I’m moving into a place in my life where I truly want to break certain cycles that have surround me my entire life. Certain behaviors from trauma can be developed from a wide combination, however, the two factors I believe I have observed within my own self and family are genetic and psychological. When it comes to genetics, it’s obvious that trauma itself isn’t specifically encoded in our DNA, but the way our bodies respond to stressful situations and trauma is due to the heightened stress responses that our parents could have developed while dealing with their own trauma. Looking at psychological, behavior is often learned through our observation of our parents during our childhood. This means that more than often times, we develop similar coping mechanisms to trauma which can then be ingrained and passed down through generations.
Truthfully…coming to terms with this information has been a lot for me to process… In a way, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a vast desert, recognizing the expanse of pain and struggle that has been placed before me. But, just as a lavender field can transform a barren landscape, I am truly ready to help bring healing and peace to myself and my inner circle of family + friends…
Thank you so much for taking your time and energy to read this weeks journal. I appreciate it more than I can honestly express and I appreciate you more than you could ever imagine… Make sure to sail these beautiful, chaotic, messy shores back here next week for more.
With great love always,
M.H. John